Learning to feel, not flee
Most of us weren’t taught how to truly feel our emotions. I certainly wasn’t!
I remember being on a bus at 17-years-old and having the distinct thought: I don’t think I have many emotions. Not long after, probably unsurprisingly, I fell into a debilitating 10-year struggle with an eating disorder.
In other words, we ignore our emotions at our peril!
Emotions exist for a reason. They’re part of how our whole system—body, brain and nervous system—assesses what’s happening and prepares us for action. When we’re not aware of our emotions, they often take over behind the scenes.
Before we even realise what we’re feeling, we find ourselves reacting—snapping at a partner, yelling at a stranger in traffic, withdrawing into silence or opening the fridge door.
Really, we’re a bit afraid of our emotions!
So instead of making space for them, we tend to suppress or avoid them, especially the uncomfortable ones.
Without the tools to connect with what we feel, we often turn to numbing and distraction: overeating, drinking, overspending or endlessly scrolling.
But our emotions aren’t just "in our heads." They live in our bodies. And this is a key to working wisely with them.
Our bodies are constantly sending us signals about how we feel. The point is, we can learn to listen! Without being overwhelmed. Without acting out.
With practice, we notice these somatic signals earlier and more clearly. We can tune in to what each emotion is trying to tell us. Then we can reclaim our power to choose how we respond.
For women in midlife, here is a powerful invitation: it’s time to step into our wisdom and emotional maturity. This means a journey of befriending our emotions—and that starts with feeling them in the body.
The emotional language of the body
Our bodies often express our emotional state before our mind catches up.
So detecting the signals early helps us to respond with more choice, rather than acting out of emotion we’re not fully consious of.
Our body communicates our emotions in many ways:
Facial expression
Posture or body shape
Our quality of attention—narrowed or expanded
The rhythm of our breath and heartbeat
Areas of tension or softness along the midline (face, throat, shoulders, chest, belly) or in the hands and feet
Subtle movements of our whole body—leaning in or pulling away, lifting up or collapsing down
Internal sensations like tightness, butterflies, nausea, tingling, pressure
Feeling hot or cold, heavy or light, jittery or steady, charged or flat
Challenging emotions often register in the body as contraction or tension.
High-energy states like anger may show up as clenched fists, a pounding heart, rapid breath or sweaty palms. Thoughts race. Attention narrows. The body braces for action.
Low-energy states like sadness might feel like heaviness, slumped shoulders, weakened muscles or dulled senses. The chest sinks. Everything slows down.
Pleasant emotions, on the other hand, usually bring a sense of opening or softening.
High-energy joy or excitement can feel like lightness, forward or upward movement and expansion in the chest or face. Attention broadens.
Low-energy calm or contentment often brings ease, including relaxed muscles, soft eyes and a gentle downward settling.
We can switch on to all this rich somatic information!
Each body tells a different story
Emotions show up uniquely in every body. There’s no one right way to feel! You’ll have your own emotional signatures.
That’s why emotional wisdom starts with curiosity and exploration, not judgement. It’s a deeply personal journey of noticing, naming and feeling what’s alive in you, without rushing to fix it, react to it or shut it down. The first step along a journey towards emotional wisdom is feeling the raw emotional energy as it’s manifesting for you.
At the heart of personal growth in midlife is learning to befriend your emotions. You can practice the art of opening to them – listening rather than overriding and feeling rather than fleeing. You can learn how to integrate, channel or transform emotional energy. You can learn to honour your emotions as valuable messengers, not scary, pesky enemies to be avoided.
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Ready to build a kinder, wiser relationship with your emotions?
Let’s explore together. I offer one-on-one mind-body coaching for midlife women who want to understand what they’re feeling and move into more clarity, calm and connection. Book a free discovery call to learn more.